Nobody Wants Depression:

CW: Depression

For the past several years I have had depression. Physically, I don’t have much of an appetite and very little energy. My sleep schedule is irregular as well. I can’t seem to stop thinking at night.

For me depression has been more than sadness. I don’t enjoy seeing people and socializing. I prefer to be alone most of the time. I’ve never been extremely social, however this is different. Family events aren’t enjoyable for me anymore. I feel uncomfortable when I am in public.

When I started college in 2018, I was nervous and excited. My lifelong dream of going to college was finally a reality. I enjoyed my freshman year immensely. My classes were enjoyable and the professors were knowledgeable. I even joined the campus newspaper.

I had all intentions of graduating in 2022 with my bachelors degree. By the next year, I had lost interest in my classes. I had to force myself to do homework. Many days I woke up in tears.

I have chosen to attend the local community college this fall where I will pursue a degree in English. This will be my first time attending in person classes since 2019. I am nervous about going back to college. I never thought I wouldn’t like school. My hopes aren’t too high for the upcoming semester. I have my doubts about whether or not I’ll be able to go back.

I want people to understand that depression is difficult to live with. I never wanted to develop depression. It wasn’t a choice, and I don’t know if I’ll completely recover from it. I live life one day at a time, and I’m doing the best I can.

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