My 23rd birthday is a couple weeks away. Ever since I turned 18, my birthday has been a time of great sadness and anxiety. Celebrating my accomplishments is something I don’t like to do. I don’t like being the center of attention.
I didn’t attend my high school graduation. I knew I would be upset if I went to my graduation. I opted to go out for dinner instead. I had fish and chips and a chocolate chip cookie sundae for dessert. My family was there with me.
The following week, I had a graduation party in Quincy, MA. My aunts, uncles, and cousins were there. I was grateful that my family wanted to be there. My loved ones were there, and that was all that mattered to me.
On the other hand, I love to celebrate other people. I love attending weddings, and birthday celebrations for my friends and family. To be able to celebrate somebody is a wonderful feeling for me. Whenever I have the chance to make somebody feel good, I love it.
I love using my passion for writing to let someone know how much they mean to me. I spend weeks working on poems, and cards for people. At Christmas time, I pick out thoughtful gifts for my friends and family. I love looking around for gifts that I know people will love. I know people don’t expect much from me during the holidays. However, seeing people’s faces when they open my gifts is priceless.
I have so many people in my life that I cherish. They all mean the world to me. Being there for others makes me feel good. While I enjoy celebrating others, I don’t see myself as worthy of celebration or praise.
I am working hard to see myself the same way I see everyone else. As far back as I can remember, I’ve had low self-esteem. Cerebral Palsy does affect my sense of self-worth. I often see myself as a burden. I question my worth every day. I know that I am worthy and offer something to the world. Everybody has something unique to offer the world. Whatever they offer is unique to them and is enough.