Thanks to Steve Way for this post idea.
CW: Ableism
Independence is a cornerstone of society. From the time we are young, we are encouraged to do things for ourselves. When someone needs help, whether public or personal, society is quick to label them as lazy or tell them they need to work harder instead of being compassionate.
If independence really meant doing everything alone, no one would be independent. People help each other every day. Parents hire babysitters and nannies for their children. People bring meals for others after a birth or death. People use delivery services to help them save time. Yet, society still assigns people the labels of “independent” or “not independent”
Many people believe they have built an independent life. Yet few recognize that their ability to sustain their independence relies on the support of countless people: farmers who grow produce and grain, electricians who inspect and repair power grids, construction workers who pave roads, truck drivers who transport goods nationwide, and healthcare workers who are ready to help at a moment’s notice.
The work of these people fills in the gaps of everyday life. Without them, society would not be able to function as it does. Sometimes, it leads us to forget that we have always been dependent on others in some way.
Yet this dependency is something different when applied to the disabled community. Our needs are visible, and stigmatized by society. When disabled people require care, we are labeled as “unable to be independent.”
Because of my cerebral palsy, I rely on others every day, and relying on other people is never easy. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to shower and get dressed with complete privacy.
As a disabled person, independence has never meant doing everything alone. To me, independence means having reliable support so I can be a student, writer, family member, and friend. I am someone who has goals beyond “just surviving.”
And yet I still aspire to be what people and systems don’t allow me to be. I want to have a full life. I want to have a career, relationships, and the opportunity to really live. I deserve to live a good life. And I know I’m not the only disabled person who is exhausted from constantly proving their humanity.
Needing help is a universal part of being human. It’s not a sign of weakness. It has never represented the opposite of independence. Help is in no way an obstacle.