Rebecca Gayheart’s essay about caring for actor Eric Dane after his diagnosis of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) is intimate and candid. One reason it resonates with so many people is that it illustrates the realities of caregiving across America.
While Rebecca Gayheart shares a personal story, her experience resonates with millions of people across the United States. Many people find themselves in caregiving roles, often without the proper training, support, and safety nets.
Women usually take on caregiving roles. Gayheart and Dane are not together, having separated years ago. However, she is the one who finds herself at the forefront of caregiving and the gaps that exist within the system.
Gayheart is the one coordinating care, fighting with insurance companies, and filling in the gaps when the system fails. This reflects a national pattern in which women become the default caregivers simply because there is no structure in place to distribute the responsibility more equitably. Nationwide, more than 60% of family caregivers are women.
Her fight with insurance is another all-too-familiar part of caregiving. Even with resources and money, she still has to argue with insurance to cover the 24/7 nursing care Dane requires.
This kind of fight is far too common for caregivers who know the U.S. healthcare system. The system frequently requires people and their families to argue with insurance. Caregiving not only requires emotional labor but also administrative labor.
As someone with cerebral palsy, battling with insurance companies is all too familiar. In 2021, I received a new power wheelchair after eighteen months. Health New England actually denied the chair entirely. I had to appeal their decision, which involved sending more letters of medical necessity to Health New England.
Health New England did not want to cover the seat elevator either. According to Health New England, I did not need the seat elevator. Health New England saw the seat elevator as a convenience or a luxury.
Gayheart also talks about the process of caregiving. It takes so much time and energy. Loss is part of life with ALS, and she speaks to the cyclical pain of adapting to progressive loss. This is what many caregivers deal with every day. They often provide full-time care to others while maintaining employment, running a household, and staying healthy. While burnout is common, very little support exists. The toll is tremendous, and guilt exists for those who acknowledge those needs.
To me, what’s most interesting about her story, though, is that it doesn’t matter that she has access to resources. They still struggle. If families like these, with access to the best medicine available and resources, can’t manage, what does that say about the system? It’s an indication that it’s not just a family’s struggle; it’s a structural issue. It’s a system, and an approach to long-term health conditions, which is expensive, fragmented, and not easily accessible.
Gayheart and Dane have two children, which adds another layer to this reality. Many children are often caregivers for sick and disabled relatives, often without recognition and support. Apart from providing emotional and physical care, Gayheart’s daughters are coping with their father’s condition. Most people are unaware of how common this is and how it affects children.
According to the Caregiving Youth Research Collaborative, there are more than 5.4 million children who assist with caregiving in the U.S. These children frequently assist with daily activities, such as personal hygiene, feeding, toileting, dressing, and giving medication.
Ultimately, Gayheart’s story offers a stark picture of caregiving in America. Caregivers in America are largely unpaid and rarely acknowledged. It’s a sign of how society undervalues caregiving. Millions of caregivers are doing everything possible to keep families intact within a broken system that doesn’t support them.
Sources:
Armstrong-Carter, Emma, et al. ‘The United States Should Recognize and Support Caregiving Youth’. Social Policy Report, vol. 34, no. 2, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, July 2021, pp. 1–24, https://doi.org/10.1002/sop2.14.
Baxt, Josh. “When Children Become Caregivers.” InventUM, University of Miami Leonard M. Miller School of Medicine , 28 Feb. 2024, news.med.miami.edu/when-children-become-caregivers/.
Gayheart, Rebecca. “In Sickness and in Health.” The Cut, The Cut, 29 Dec. 2025, https://www.thecut.com/article/rebecca-gayheart-caregiving-eric-dane-als-diagnosis.html
Rogin, Ali, et al. “As America’s Population Ages, Women Shoulder the Burden as Primary Caregivers.” PBS, Public Broadcasting Service, 30 Mar. 2024, www.pbs.org/newshour/show/as-americas-population-ages-women-shoulder-the-burden-as-primary-caregivers.