Recently, my Facebook friend Joe Carr posted about the infantilization of disabled adults. As a 26-year-old with cerebral palsy, this is a feeling that is all too familiar to me. I want people to understand that I am an adult so please treat me like one.
When interacting with disabled people some people use condescending and patronizing language. They might raise their voices and speak slowly and deliberately. Speak to disabled people as you would nondisabled people.
In my own experience, people often do not speak directly to me. Instead, they address my non-disabled friend, family member, or personal care assistant. This happens everywhere from doctors’ offices to restaurants. I often feel as if I am invisible.
In 2020, I worked with a physical therapist I was unfamiliar with. She rarely spoke directly to me. Instead, she would ask my PCA (personal care assistant) questions, such as whether I could lift my leg on command or what kind of music I wanted to listen to during the session. She could’ve asked me questions directly, especially since I was her patient. After this, I requested only to see the other PT.
Sometimes, the hardest thing is not the words people use but the assumptions behind the words. There is a quiet sorrow that comes from understanding that many people have already decided who I am before they even let me speak. They look at the equipment or the diagnosis, and a whole narrative develops based on that. It’s often a narrative in which I am weak, powerless, or childlike. It’s exhausting to constantly push back against a narrative I never agreed to and to prove again and again that I am a whole person.
If you are unsure about how a disabled person’s disability affects them, be kind. Asking questions is fine, but there is a time and place for them. Every single disabled person is different so please don’t make assumptions about us.
All disabled people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Please don’t ignore someone because they are disabled.
It’s important to remember that disability does not erase worth, dignity, or individuality. When you overlook us or treat us as less than, you deprive us of our humanity.
The reality is simple: disabled people are people. We have voices, opinions, and experiences worth hearing. Respect means looking us in the eye, listening to our words, and engaging with us directly. We are human beings so treat us like it.