Mia Mingus coined the term “forced intimacy,” which describes the frequent overstepping of boundaries by those who encounter disabled people. According to Mingus, this generally takes the form of being asked to disclose very personal information with nondisabled people in order to gain basic access, but it can also include forced physical intimacy, particularly for those of us who require physical assistance, which frequently requires touching of our bodies.
Since the day I was born, my body has not belonged to me. Instead, my body has belonged to a seemingly endless catalog of doctors, therapists, and personal care assistants. It isn’t easy to feel comfortable in your own body when you are constantly being looked at and touched by people helping you.
As a child, I underwent three operations, multiple rounds of Botox and Phenol injections and numerous physical therapy appointments. No matter how uncomfortable I was, I had to endure these procedures.
I didn’t understand how this affected me until I was older. Nondisabled children are usually taught that they can say no if someone or something makes them uncomfortable. I had to undergo painful surgeries, procedures, and physical therapy sessions. I had very little understanding of why. I was told that it was for my own good.
Forced intimacy can also refer to the manner in which disabled people must establish and maintain emotional closeness and connections with others. We often need to do this in order to gain access. The access should be safe, appropriate, and good access.
Throughout my childhood, I didn’t have a say in who helped me. My paraprofessionals were employees of the school district and my mother found my PCAs up until I was 20. Luckily, most of the people I worked with were wonderful. However, they were still strangers at first.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to shower and get dressed in complete privacy. Imagine hiring a perfect stranger to help you get dressed, showered, and use the restroom. For many disabled people, this is a reality of their lives.
However, I rely on others to do what I want to do. I’ve never had complete freedom. Even though I live in my own apartment, cerebral palsy prevents me from driving. I rely on others to drive me wherever I want to go.
Telling our stories as disabled people can help change the world. Unfortunately, in an ableist world, disability is not seen as a catalyst for change. It is often portrayed as a fate worse than death. Forced intimacy is the result of this, and it serves as a constant oppressive reminder of power and control.
Source:
Mingus, Mia. “Forced Intimacy: An Ableist Norm.” Leaving Evidence, WordPress , 6 Aug. 2017, leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2017/08/06/forced-intimacy-an-ableist-norm/.