Who Am I?

CW: Depression

I’ve spent much time over the past couple of years watching home movies. It is hard for me to see myself happy. I don’t remember those times. I wish I could. In the videos, I am excited about Christmas and my birthdays.

As I’ve grown up, I’m unsure why I am not happy. Most days I feel lonely, and sad. I spend most days alone in my room. I no longer enjoy activities like I used to. I don’t like going to the movie theater or out to eat.

When I started to not like my classes, I was alarmed. I had to force myself to read and do homework. I should be looking forward to my future. However, I am not excited at all. For the first time as far back as I can remember, I am not looking forward to going back to college. I don’t want to go back to college in September.

School used to be something I loved. I loved to learn. Growing up, I loved going to school. English was my favorite subject. I worked hard and was looking forward to college. When I was accepted to Westfield State University, I was thrilled.

I wish that I didn’t have depression. I’m concerned. I don’t invite my friend over as much as I used to. I used to look forward to seeing him. I don’t like seeing him much anymore. Depression is scary. I’ve turned into someone I don’t recognize. I wouldn’t wish mental health issues on anyone.

Leave a Reply