The Path Of Life:

CW: Depression & Pet Loss:

I’ve been thinking about my path in life lately. I decided to attend my local community college to pursue an English degree this fall. I am very nervous and trying to remain positive. I have loved school as far back as I remember. English has always been my favorite subject. One day, I hope to work as a blogger or journalist.

When my depression worsened, this was one of the most alarming signs. It was more frustrating to me than crying nearly every day.  I wasn’t interested in doing school work, and was bored. Just a year earlier, in 2018, I had set a goal to make the dean’s list at college.  In an instant, it seemed like the motivation was gone. The COVID-19 pandemic made this even more pronounced. Remote learning didn’t work well for me. 

 More than anything, I am worried that I am no longer interested in school. I don’t want to be bored. Growing up, I knew that I wanted to go to college. I had heard that college was a place where people made lifelong friends and took many exciting classes.  I’ve never had many friends and was unsure how I’d fit in. 

I joined the campus newspaper and rediscovered my love of writing. Writing is something that I can do alone.  For the past several years, I have been more isolated. I’ve learned to be happy being alone. I no longer enjoy activities such as going to the arcade, restaurants,  or movies. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve had very few friends.  Long-lasting friendships are a luxury. I wish people understood this. 

I am grateful that I have a loving family. My family has always been there for me. While my family has been my primary source of support, it is difficult to know that this isn’t typical for most adults. It is hard to see my younger sibling have friends that she goes out with. It’s just as hard to watch my parents go to concerts, shows, and hiking with their friends. I desperately want people to understand that friendship should be cherished. My childhood dog passed away last May, and I took his death hard. Lowell’s death meant that I lost one of my only friends. 

I wonder if I’ll ever have a romantic relationship or get married. Does my disability mean that people won’t find me attractive? Will someone want a wife with Cerebral Palsy? I know that my disability affects how people see me. Cerebral Palsy shouldn’t make me question my worth, but it does.

Life is a journey for all of us. We all follow different paths in our lives. Everybody has challenging times in their lives. We are all human and life is rarely set in stone.

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