CW: Loneliness
Worth is a quiet truth that stays hidden beneath the noise of expectation. The world often tries to define worth in limited ways. It measures value by physical ability, independence, and how well someone fits into the world.
But worth is not a reward for fitting in. It is not something earned through performance or perfection. It is something you carry simply because you exist.
Cerebral palsy frequently makes me feel like a burden to my loved ones. I often think of myself as a hassle to them. I often feel that my presence adds pressure for them. This can lead to loneliness. It can also lead someone to question if they are asking for too much, if their presence is a bother.
As a teenager, I wanted to give my sister a ride to softball practice. I wanted to help run errands. I wanted to pick up a gallon of milk for my mother. I would have loved to do those things. Not because they were grand gestures, but because they were ordinary. They were the kinds of things that made people feel useful, connected, part of the rhythm of family life. I watched others do them without thinking, while I sat with the ache of wanting to contribute in the same way.
If disabled people aren’t working hard enough, we are often thought of as lazy. I receive disability benefits. People have told me that I’m lucky to receive SSI benefits. I’d much rather be employed. It is incredibly challenging to live off disability benefits.
At 26, I’ve only had one paid work experience. I began looking for work in 2019. I have filled out hundreds of applications since. Sadly, some employers have rescinded interviews after I told them I have cerebral palsy.
It is a myth that disabled people have to show that they are worthy. We don’t have to do something extraordinary to be seen as human beings. Our worth does not depend on how we move, how we speak, or how much we produce. It is there in our connections, our creativity, our humor, and our wisdom. It is in our power to broaden the definition of being human.
I have to remind myself that I am not a burden. I am not an inconvenience. I am not broken. I am worthy because of who I am, not because of what I do.