CW: Depression & Anxiety
One of the most difficult challenges I’ve faced since becoming an adult is trying to discover what makes me happy. I no longer get excited about the things I used to when I was a child. Watching home videos is bittersweet, because I wish I could remember those times.
I don’t enjoy my favorite foods as much as I used to. I only eat when I am hungry. I don’t enjoy sweets as much as I used to either. I used to get so excited when there was a dessert in my lunchbox. I loved Swiss Rolls and peanut butter cookies.
Holidays are different as an adult. I stopped dressing up for Halloween when I was 12. I miss the excitement of choosing a costume and going trick or treating. Christmas used to be one of my favorite holidays. I loved opening presents and seeing Santa. Nowadays, the holiday season causes my anxiety to worsen. I want to enjoy the holidays, but it’s hard when I get anxious.
College classes start soon as well. Growing up, I used to love school. I loved English in particular. For the first time as far back as I can remember I don’t want to go to school. This is scary to me. I never thought I wouldn’t like school.
Happiness in adulthood has been hard to find. Hopefully, I’ll find joy in adulthood eventually. Writing is something that makes me happy. One day I hope to become a published author. Happiness doesn’t have to end after your childhood.