CW: Depression
Growing up, I loved school. I even liked going shopping for school supplies. My favorite subject was English. I looked forward to going to school and loved to learn. I wasn’t very social, but I loved my teachers. Summer vacations weren’t fun for me. I missed going to school.
In 2018, I was a high school senior eager to go to college. I was thrilled when I was accepted to two colleges I applied to. In the fall, I went off to Westfield State University. I was unsure what I wanted to study. I decided to major in communication with hopes of working in journalism or public relations.
In 2019, my depression worsened. I wasn’t interested in school. I was concerned because I’d not wanted to attend classes. It felt like a chore rather than something enjoyable. I had to force myself to read and do homework. It was scary when I didn’t like school. I’d never felt that way before.
Remote learning due to the COVID-19 pandemic didn’t work well for me. I haven’t attended in-person classes since 2019. I’ve taken an extended break from college. I thought I wouldn’t like not going to college. My love of college is gone. Instead of feeling excited like I did as a kid, I feel sad and anxious. The past months have been tough for me, and I can’t understand why I don’t like college anymore.