Coming Out Of My Shell:

CW: Social Anxiety

As far back as I can remember, I have felt lonely. Growing up, I had friends in school. As I grew up, I felt like I didn’t belong. By the time I was in high school, I felt like I was on a different planet than my peers. I didn’t play sports or go to parties.

After graduating from high school, I had three friends. We went to an art museum, the mall, and even a Boston Bruins game together. I had so much fun at the TD Garden. I wish that we had taken another trip like that. It was the only overnight trip we took together.

Friendships feel like a luxury to me. I am jealous of people that have lots of friends. Friendships that last for years are luxury. I know people that have been friends for decades. These friendships should be cherished, because not everybody gets to experience them.

Cerebral Palsy can feel lonely sometimes. I enjoy spending time alone watching TV, writing or reading. Nowadays, I don’t like to socialize much. I’ve found it hard to make friends for years now.

Social anxiety is difficult for me for deal with. I am going back to college in September. Between COVID-19 and social anxiety, I am nervous about returning. Greenfield Community College has some clubs available to students. I’m not sure if I want to join any. At Westfield State University, I was part of the campus newspaper. Activities that can be done alone are my favorite. I don’t enjoy going to concerts, bars, or clubs.

In time, I hope to be able to become less anxious about friendship. I know that I am worthy of friendship. I want people to understand that friendship can be difficult when you are disabled.

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